Driving

Tonight I had to take a drive. It was bad timing to be sure. I left a fussy tiny in her daddy’s capable, but tired hands. It had been my hope to get her to sleep before I had to sneak out the door….best laid plans right?

Needless to say I was a little cranky about having to make this drive at a tough time of the day. Full of guilt, frustration, irritation at things that are so far beyond my control, I shut the door hard and climbed into the truck.

It wasn’t even three miles out of town in my baby’s truck that I realized this was a gift. A present wrapped up just for me and I was angry about it. Like, I was just given forty minutes on the road by. my. self. with music loud, windows open and sun setting behind me somewhere. I mumbled something to myself that I won’t print here, but the realization shifted how I perceived this inconvenience.

While I was out, I even had a few minutes to sit quietly in the rural, evening air. As the breeze drifted through the late evening and the sunlight shifted to a lower angle I started to compose these thoughts in my head. About how selfish I am and how much I want things to go my own way. How, if I’d just get out of the way, things might actually go much, much more smoothly.

I’ve seen a number of graphics recently displaying ideas such as; “Things I Can Control vs. the Things I Can’t Control…” I’ve scrolled past them without much thought, just enough interest or awareness to remember having seen them I guess. Now I think I’d better go back and take another look, because there might be several situations that I need to let go of. Things that maybe I was never really meant to control at all. Obviously I’m not the only one who can put the baby to bed at the very least.

It’s funny how an unexpected drive does this to me. Makes me shut my mouth and listen intently to my internal voice. Makes me wonder again at all of the tiny details that line up to create my crazy life. Makes me acknowledge that I don’t always know what is best.

So my sweet girlie and I came home to a quiet house; the teeny had zonked, the boy was ready to be tucked in, all seemed well in the world. Now as I sit and listen to the snoring of the people I love most I realize that all five of my children are under our roof tonight. While some of the stuff we’ve been working through with them has been hard, while lack of sleep is grating on nerves, while dishes pile and the grocery budget stretches it’s outermost limits…My mind realizes that this is what makes my heart happiest. These kids, this family, this perfectly timed and wonderful life that we share.

And it all started with an unplanned drive.

 

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